I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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