I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
