He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
