I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
