So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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