I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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