If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
sarcasm needs its own font
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
