the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
