i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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