wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
