I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
