i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
