I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
