I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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