An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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