Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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