I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
