In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I want to fling myself into the sun
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
