I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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