Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
