she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Houston, we have a blender
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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