i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
