When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize