Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's the barista slut.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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