Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
