My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
