I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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