I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
