I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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