also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
