There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
