God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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