I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
