You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
