I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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