Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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