It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
