Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
