if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
