Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
