afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
God, I missed his penis.
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