Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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