she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
