Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She needs sedatives and a leash
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize