Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
