I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
