You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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