Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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