is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
