mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
