I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
