I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
