you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
