Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
