You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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