The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
