Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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