We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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