My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
