I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
