I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
