yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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