first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize