can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
