Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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