I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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