My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
