yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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