Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My balls are so social today.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
