Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I love you. Go after that dick
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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