i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
