She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So many bounce houses so little time
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
