Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
