Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
