Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize