my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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