I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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